Sunday, September 23, 2007
it was a wednesday. 19 september 2007.
she cried, quite badly. all i could do was to offer my shoulders. i hugged her, and held her hand. it was just a split second before a single tear dropped. it melted my heart instantly, she seemed so fragile then. her face a light shade of red, smeared with tears. so vulnerable. we stared into space. till eternity. till no more tears flowed. till she quietened to a soft sniff.
i didn't know what to say to her. words of consolation when i don't even know what happened. she spoke her words in a mumble. i was heartbroken for a moment.
please, don't cry again.
spoke at : 6:48 AM
he asked again, i accepted. am i a fool? after being hurt, i still choose to walk that path again?? i don't know why.
spoke at : 3:07 AM
ehhhhhh what the hell is wrong with me?! why do i get so pissed off when she called me TEOH. asshole la. i don't know why i get so pissed. last time when it was sec 4s turn, we not only called them their names, even outside training we call them madm something something. we oso don't dare call them like that la! what is ur problem?! have we been too nice to you? huh..we should really draw the line from now on la! i seriously hope what xinyu and weilin said will not come true. i thought that u all will not climb over my head, i believed so, i even told madms i'm very sure, but now, it seems wrong la. i don't even have that basic respect from u. i know we said outside of training we can be as close as friends, but then, are u taking that for granted??! we are still ur madms u know. inside or outside of training. hope u can understand that fact! hope u know ur limits !
spoke at : 5:36 AM
why, i don't feel like i'm 'it' at all. maybe somethings are just not up to me to decide. maybe i should quit, maybe i should back down, maybe u guys have far more potential than me. why isit that i feel rotten? why must you all make some decisions, yet don't inform me about it? i feel like a fool. i don't blame you all, you all have a mindset of your own too. i don't want to emphasize on that fact that i'm 'it'. i don't want ppl to think i'm abusing my authority, i don't want ppl to despise me because they think i'm bragging about my top post. i'm not. i just feel out of place. is madm xinyu and weilin right? is what they say coming true? am i losing my position already?? am i? i really wanna know, i'm bewildered.
spoke at : 3:51 AM
i'm scared..terrified. of how our unit will be from now onwards. i'm not confident. not like sze ann. he's gonna be a great leader. someone full of potential and confidence. someone who can do a good job. unlike me. i can't, i just can't. i'm not like him. everyone's so PROUD that he became usm. i know. REDCROSS can't hold a candle to NCC air. and i can't hold a candle to him. we're just different. in a sense that he's so much better. someone who can do it. someone who can leaad. lead with pride. why..i can't do it.
spoke at : 12:13 AM
new skin sam sam!! haha. btw..how was ur PLTC!! hope it was okkay.
ANYWAY!! YOU HAVEN'T LIKE TOLD ME WHO IS alan YET!!! wad kind of promise u made with him!! evil!!
spoke at : 2:16 AM
redcross redcross. okkay..i'm coming back to singapore tmr..and i'll be facing my beloved juniors..or rather cadets again. i just can't believe we're madms already. i'm scared okkay. and I'M NOT HAPPY THAT I GOT CHAIR OKKAY. hello! why do u all think i'm so OVERJOYED that i got that post. i laughed during POP BECAUSE maurice kept looking at me, and say 'little bird bird'.. and Ms tan was laughing at nicolas. it was quite funny..coz nicolas don't know how to salute. yeahh..we're EVIL. but i LAUGHED TOTALLY because OF THAT. okkay. i don't get why u all think otherwise. its not up TO ME that i chose i wanted to be CHAIR okkay. POP was such a disaster..okkay. don't need to say. its so FUCKING stupid that the parade square had to be under renovation at that point of time..and POTATO LING DONT ALLOW US TO USE HALL. all because he said..the hall is just POLISHED!! ur BOOTS WILL SPOIL IT ALL!! arghh!! like whatever. okkay..farewell party was a super disaster. okkay..its super leng chang..and graduants talked and bitched in our AVA room like no ones business. hello..u wanna do catching up, do it outside la. was super pissed then . but ya..who can tell them to shut up? except yifang..who surprisingly called them PEOPLE! and asked them to listen up. cool huh. i wouldn't have that guts u know. fine..whatever. anyway..they just spoiled our whole party. doesn't mean its not their time, then they can just spoil it like that la. arghhh!!!! its just so wrong can. wadever wadever. so pissed . they don't even give us respect la!! shheeeeeh.
spoke at : 3:15 AM